Date A Girl Who Reads

Date a girl who reads.

There are girls you’ll find in your sociology class, with Abercrombie shirts and flat iron hair and a lot of mascara. There are girls who wear sweatpants and uggs, on their way to field hockey practice or who can tell you who won the world cup last summer. There are girls with chopped up hair that listen to grunge music and know a lot about bands that don’t give a shit about society or girls who are sweet and simple and not into much of anything at all.

But then there are the girls who read. I’m not talking about girls who read sometimes, that finish one or two or three books a month. I’m not talking about the girls that like reading, I mean the girls that can’t possibly imagine a life without paperback novels, who cannot express how much they love written words so instead they just remain silent. These are the girls you should date.

You should date her because she will not want to go out on a Friday night. She will stay at home curled up on the couch while you play the latest Call of Duty or have a James Bond marathon. She will not feel the need to dress up in a short skirt and heels to go to a bar or go clubbing because she will have no tolerance for people who don’t know the different between an Orc and an Urukhai.

You should date her because you will never have to find that she spent $150 on a pair of shoes. She will never complain about not having enough money because her needs are simple and inexpensive. You will never have to panic over what to get her for her birthday or Christmas, for she won’t be impressed by diamonds or a new silk cocktail dress. For Valentine’s Day any book of poetry would do, for important anniversaries a signed copy of her favorite novel is worth more than anything that sparkles.

You date a girl who reads because she will never stray. She falls in love with literary characters every day, her need for romantic adventure is constantly being met. For an hour or three she will pine over men in tweed solving mysteries or knights in armor slaying dragons. But at the end of the day you are her prince charming and all her kisses are saved for you.

In fact, these romantic adventures in her books will only inspire her to be a better girlfriend. Once in a while she will read a trashy pirate romance novel and you’ll come home from work and she will tackle you in the doorway. She’ll cover you in kisses, ask you to call her a wench and drag you to the closest available clear surface….

There will be piles of books in your house. On shelves in the living room and hallways, on top of the TV and in the kitchen. Beside the toilet in the bathroom will be a pile for whatever subject you’d enjoy while you conduct your business. There will be stacks beside the bed, in cluttered messes you will constantly knock over.

She will never run out of things to talk about. Some relationships grow dry and after a time two people can find that they have nothing in common anymore. But a girl who reads loves a story. And often it doesn’t matter where this story comes from. This is the girl that will sit and watch you play Halo for six hours straight because she is intrigued by the plot line. Soon she will be yelling at Master chief to run faster and will bite her fingernails wondering if he’ll make it.

Now of course, this girl isn’t perfect. Her mood will depend greatly on the book she is currently reading. As frisky as she will be after reading a trashy romance novel, she will feel forlorn after reading The Two Towers or The Time Traveler’s Wife. During these times perhaps she may be moody or distance, saddened and woeful. There is nothing you can do to help her during these episodes except to promise you’ll always be around.

And mean it.

Girls who read are smart. They learn a lot about many different cultures and worlds, however I warn you. They don’t know anything about whatever is on MTV. They don’t know who pulled whose hair out on last night’s episode of jersey Shore. They don’t know the names of reality TV stars or which Hollywood couple got divorced.

But by god, how much she will love you. Girls who read know what true love is about, and they know that love can overcome any obstacle. If Wesley and Buttercup could make it, if Arwen and Aragorn, if Lancelot and Guinevere can overcome their trials and tribulation damnit so can you and she. She will love you and you better damn well keep her and love her back.

However, beware the girl who writes. For she will write about the way you loved her, or how you didn’t love her. Break her heart and every flaw, every mistake, every way you did not take care of her heart will be carved in literary stone for the rest of eternity. Love the girl who reads and proceed with caution the girl who writes.

— ZOE A. GULLIKSEN